The Approval Trap: Mimetic Theory and Veteran Transition

When veterans leave military service, they often enter a world full of possibilities—but also pressure. The pressure to figure out their next step. The pressure to impress. The pressure to “get it right.” Amid that fog of transition, it’s easy to fall into what philosophers call mimetic desire—the tendency to want what others want, simply because they want it.

This isn't just a psychological curiosity; it's a trap. And for many veterans, it can derail the discovery of a truly meaningful and purpose-driven civilian life.

What Is Mimetic Theory?

Coined by French historian and Stanford professor René Girard, mimetic theory explains that we don't always desire things independently. Instead, we tend to mirror the desires of those around us. We watch others, consciously or not, and think, If they want that, maybe I should too.

We’ve seen it play out in fashion, social trends, and even in tech adoption (remember the Beats headphones boom after LeBron wore them during the Olympics?). But it shows up in deeper ways too—like in your career choices or life plans after military service.

As Scott Schimmel shared in a recent episode of the Vector podcast, mimetic behavior can shape big decisions before we realize it:

“You don't know what you don't know yet. So you might as well go with the majority opinion.”

And that's exactly where the trap lies.

“You Know What You Want to Do Is…”

Veterans hear this line all the time during their transition:
“You know what you want to do is get a PMP.”
“You should go into consulting.”
“You’d be perfect for a federal job.”

It comes from family members, friends, former teammates, mentors—even strangers on LinkedIn. These voices aren’t malicious. Most are trying to help. But if you haven't done the inner work of figuring out who you are and what truly drives you, you're vulnerable to chasing paths that aren't actually yours.

Scott explains this dynamic beautifully in the episode:

“What an interesting phrase: ‘What you’re gonna wanna do is…’ What do you mean what I wanna do? And to your point, I didn’t know what I wanted. And so I had to do some discovery... Most of the time, I would understand it more and go, ‘Eh, that sounds awful.’ But then there were a couple of sparks.”

The transition journey isn’t about getting more opinions. It’s about learning how to filter them—and finding those rare conversations that spark something authentic.

Why Veterans Are Especially Susceptible

Military culture thrives on unity, hierarchy, and shared purpose. For years—decades, for some—veterans have lived in an environment where individual desires are secondary to mission and team. That conditioning doesn’t just go away once you take off the uniform.

So when someone you admire says, “You’d be great at X,” there’s a natural instinct to follow. Add in the stress of transition, the desire to prove yourself in the civilian world, and a few LinkedIn influencers talking about six-figure tech jobs—and you have the perfect storm for mimetic confusion.

“You want what other people want. And so it also happens professionally,” Scott noted. “I was watching it happen with a bunch of 18-, 19-, 20-year-olds over a couple of days. And it reminded me… this is actually how life works all the time.”

So How Do You Avoid the Approval Trap?

The first step is introspection. Before you fill out another job application, take the time to understand what drives you, what matters most, and how you define success. This is exactly what Vector Accelerator is built to do: give veterans the space, tools, and structure to reflect on their identity, values, and goals.

Here’s a simple framework we recommend:

1. Inventory your values: What principles do you want to guide your next chapter?

2. Capture your motivations: Are you chasing a job because it excites you, or because someone else told you it’s prestigious?

3. Build your “transition team”: Have cups of coffee with people from diverse industries, but filter their advice through your lens.

4. Write it down: Document your insights. When someone says, “You know what you want to do is…” you can go back to what you said first.

Final Thought: Know the Difference Between Influence and Inspiration

Not all mimetic behavior is bad. Sometimes, seeing someone else’s life path can ignite something in us that we didn’t know was possible. As Joe Lara reflected:

“You don’t know what you don’t know until you talk to somebody—and then a spark is lit.”

The key is to discern between imitation and inspiration. One leads you away from yourself. The other lights the path forward.

So, as you navigate your own transition, ask yourself: Whose voice am I listening to? And why?

Ready to chart your own course with clarity and confidence?